Welcome to Vietnam
You have questions
Vietnam also has questions about you
This is normal
Please remain calm
Or at least pretend
Foreigner lands with a backpack and a plan
Says:
“I researched everything
I understand Vietnam”
Five minutes later
Standing by the road
Watching twelve thousand scooters
Ignore every traffic code
He looks left
Looks right
Looks left again
Still somehow nearly gets hit
By a grandma and three friends
Vietnamese guy says:
“Just walk slowly”
Foreigner says:
“What?”
He says:
“They will go around you”
Foreigner:
“That cannot possibly be the system”
Vietnam:
“It is now”
Welcome to Vietnam
Good luck, my friend
Everything you thought you knew
May bend
Locals meet foreigners
Again and again
At Le Pin Cafe
We compare where we've been
Then later in Đà Lạt
When the stories get wild
Meet at Desert Dalat
And laugh for a while
Different habits
Different points of view
Culture shock is funny
When I hear yours too
Vietnamese auntie meets foreign guy once
Immediately asks:
“How old are you?”
“Are you married?”
“How much money?”
“What do you do?”
“Why no baby?”
Foreigner freezes
Like his system shut down
In Canada that's interrogation
Here it's:
“Welcome to town”
He whispers:
“Is this normal?”
Friend says:
“Relax”
“She likes you”
Foreigner:
“She just requested my entire tax profile”
Meanwhile Vietnamese people ask:
“Why foreigners need so much personal space?”
“Why they book dinner at seven
Then arrive exactly seven?”
“Why do they drink coffee
The size of a swimming pool?”
“And why is everyone saying
‘Sorry’
When nobody did anything?”
Fair question
Welcome to Vietnam
Good luck, my friend
Everything you thought you knew
May bend
Locals meet foreigners
Again and again
At Le Pin Cafe
We compare where we've been
Then later in Đà Lạt
When the stories get wild
Meet at Desert Dalat
And laugh for a while
Different habits
Different points of view
Culture shock is funny
When I hear yours too
Foreign tourist orders coffee
Expecting one big cup
Vietnamese coffee arrives
Small glass
Strong enough to wake
Three generations up
One sip
He sees his childhood
Second sip
He forgives his father
Third sip
He starts a business
By lunchtime
He's an entrepreneur in Da Lat
Vietnamese friend tries Western coffee
Looks confused
Says:
“Where is the coffee?”
Vietnamese friend:
“No
This is hot brown water”
Fair enough
Then food arrives
One side asks:
“Is it spicy?”
Other side says:
“No”
This sentence
Has ended many peaceful evenings
NOT SPICY
WHY AM I CRYING?
Foreigner learning Vietnamese:
“Xin chào”
Everyone:
“Wow!”
Confidence goes up
Tries one full sentence
Entire table goes silent
Someone says:
“Ahhh...
Very cute”
Translation:
Nobody understood a single word
Vietnamese student learning English
Says:
“Teacher, I am boring”
Student:
“No
Today class boring”
Teacher:
“Ah”
Two languages
One small vowel
International incident avoided
Welcome to Vietnam
Good luck, my friend
Everything you thought you knew
May bend
Locals meet foreigners
Again and again
At Le Pin Cafe
We compare where we've been
Then later in Đà Lạt
When the stories get wild
Meet at Desert Dalat
And laugh for a while
Different habits
Different points of view
Culture shock is funny
When I hear yours too
Foreign guy says:
“I'll meet you at eight”
He means:
Eight
Vietnamese friend says:
“I'll meet you at eight”
Could mean:
Eight
Could mean:
Eight fifteen
Eight thirty
“I am coming now”
Which scientifically means
Location unknown
Meanwhile foreigners say:
“Let's hang out sometime”
Vietnamese friend waits
Three weeks
No invitation
Finally asks:
“You said sometime”
Foreign guy realizes
In English
That sentence sometimes means:
Never
Now BOTH cultures are confused
Progress
At Le Pin Cafe
Pass the coffee around
One person tells a story
Everybody breaks down
“At my first Vietnamese wedding—”
“Oh no”
“At my first foreign dinner—”
“Oh no”
“At my first karaoke night—”
STOP
No
Continue
We need this
Foreigner:
“Why are there tiny plastic stools?”
Ten minutes later
Best meal of his life
Twenty thousand đồng
And existential advice
Vietnamese visitor abroad:
“Why does lunch cost this much?”
“Where is the soup?”
“Why is fruit expensive?”
“Why do I need an appointment
For everything?”
Now the circle is complete
Welcome to cultural shock
Everybody gets a turn
Welcome to Vietnam
Good luck, my friend
Everything you thought you knew
May bend
Locals meet foreigners
Again and again
At Le Pin Cafe
We compare where we've been
Then later in Đà Lạt
When the stories get wild
Meet at Desert Dalat
And laugh for a while
Different habits
Different points of view
Culture shock is funny
When I hear yours too